How to Groom Your Child to Success

Doesn't that seem like one of the stupid titles you would read on a parenting book? I want to know if any of those authors actually followed just what they wrote about and how many of their kids are currently in counseling? I know I don't have much to offer to the world about parenting except for a handy tip here and there for my girlfriends that may or may not work for their kids. If I had ever thought about writing a book, here are all the reasons I'm not going to start writing my parenting book today.

My toddler went down for his nap about an hour ago and is still not asleep. he could be in there playing and I don't really care because he is still giving me a quiet break.

I don't change my shirt the first time a kid spits up on me because it won't be thirty minutes before another one does the same. The second time... I change.

I bribe my kid with treats so he will finish his food.

I go to my babies when they cry... I just can't imagine not going

I don't bleach their toys and run the stuffed animals through the dryer once a week (or month).

The only meat my toddler will eat is a fast food hamburger, so guess what? He gets that a couple times a week.

I let him "work it out" with his little friends and don't fight his fights for him (not that I let him hit or anything) However, I do arm him with phrases like "No hit me!" when I know there will be a "hitter" at a play date instead of keeping him away from kids that don't always act nice. He better learn how to deal with all kinds of different people

When I go through the drive through at Starbucks I keep a snack in my purse so that when he asks for a treat from "mommy's coffee" I pull it out of my bag as she is handing me my drink. He actually thinks they serve goldfish at Starbucks.

I didn't sugar coat what happened to the mouse in our kitchen. He didn't go to the farm, he got stomped on and thrown away. Tristan loved reenacting this for everyone for about a week.


And somehow after all of this, I have two healthy happy babies and one healthy, happy, polite, friendly, outgoing, confident, and loving toddler. Maybe there is no secret formula or maybe I have already found the right one that fits for just my three little ones.

Are You Kidding Me?

It amazes me how clever Tristan is and how he is always observing situations. Obviously he hears everything I am saying even if he pretends not to be listening. Sometimes it cracks me up when I hear my own words or other people's come out of his mouth. For instance, Elaine has a habit of saying, "Are you kidding me?" Well, Tristan picked this up early on in their trip and I have to say it is one of the cuter sayings he has ever picked up. He knew just how to use it so I was sure that he had observed it a few times before testing it out. I didn't know just how much he understood until tonight at dinner.

I served Tristan some yogurt with granola which he gobbled right up, and then I put a few grapes on his tray. T is not that keen on eating new foods, but I figured he likes raisins so I just told him they were juicy raisins. I told him if he ate all four juicy raisins then he would get some fruit snacks. He calmly slid them back across the tray to me and said, "Mommy, if you eat all of them you get more coffee" as he points to my espresso cup. Well, that sounded like a pretty good deal to me, so I ate the grapes. After they were gone, Tristan got so excited that he cheered for me and encouraged me to go get my coffee... so I did!

Christmas 2010

Well, we pulled off Christmas and it was just as good as we thought it would be. When Neil and I heard Tristan wake up this morning, we ran in, jumped on his bed, and yelled "Merry Christmas!" Tristan just laughed, jumped on my back for a piggy back ride, and yelled, "c'mon mom, let's ride the rails!" What a funny kid!

We let Tristan open his stocking before the Conways got here for breakfast, so he had some things to keep him occupied. Then it was time for presents. We had been working really hard this year to teach Tristan about what this really amazing holiday actually means. This meant that we cut out Santa to lessen the confusion about what we were really celebrating, and sharing with others. In an attempt to teach him to share when you have more of something than you need, we had to take it down to a two-year-old level. We made a ton of Christmas cookies and then talked about how we had so many that we needed to share a lot of them. We packaged them up and drove them around until we found homeless people begging at stop lights. Then we rolled down Tristan's window and let him give out the cookies and say, "Merry Christmas." He loved it, and most the the guys were really excited about homemade Christmas cookies this year.
Well, the other thing we have been talking and reading about is Jesus' birthday. Last night I put his manger scene in the living room but without Jesus in it. He noticed baby Jesus missing and I said maybe he would come tomorrow for his birthday. This morning as we started to open presents, I handed the first one to Tristan. It read:
To: The Conways
Love: God
When Tristan opened it (with his teeth) it was baby Jesus. He got excited and put him in the manger. I thought it was cute, but knew at two there was a fat chance that he got any of it. Later today he talked to Neannie on the phone. (not sure if you even understood him saying this, mom) My mom asked him what presents he got for Christmas and the first thing he said was "baby Jesus"... yeah!
We had a lot of fun opening the rest of our gifts, well Tristan had fun opening everyone's gifts! Nana and Gramps seemed to have a nice morning, but I know it was hard for both of them to be away from home for the first time in their lives for Christmas.

After Tristan's nap, we gave him the train table. We got the perfect gift JUST right! I don't think he believed us that it is now his table and it's not going anywhere. We had to drag him screaming to eat dinner, take a bath, and he was a little nervous to leave it to go to bed. Won't he be surprised when it's still here tomorrow morning!

It was a great day filled with great food, grandparents, a beautiful walk outside (due to no snow), and of course the matching PJs!!!

Santa Train

On Saturday, we went to the Santa Train at the Colorado Railroad museum. I thought Tristan liked trains, but it was nothing compared to Gramps!! He was in heaven. I thought we were going to have to come back to get him when it got dark, but surprisingly he came home with us in time for naps.

We took a fun ride on a beautiful steam engine. Nana, Tristan, and I sat inside a wonderfully restored passenger car while Gramps, Neil, and the babies could not be pulled inside but instead rode on an outside car for the better view. Gramps was able to take us into an old mail car that was just like one that his grandfather used to work on. We got to hear some really neat stories. I am sure this will be a must every time they come to visit and I don't think Tristan will mind.

Nana and Gramps

Nana and Gramps are out here in Colorado for Christmas and getting in some time with the latest arrivals and Tristan of course. Tristan is always excited each morning when they come and sad each day when they leave. They picked a good year to come with the twins being so cute and Tristan being at such a fun age for Christmas.

Miss you!

The other day, Neannie sent her school picture to Tristan. The next morning he got the books out that have her voice recorded on them. He then looked at me and said, "I be right back, Mom" as he ran off. He came back with her picture and set it up so that he could have his little conversation with Neannie. We miss her SO MUCH!!!

Good Dog Cooper

Tonight we dropped Cooper off at his new home. I thought that because it had been such a well planned, talked to death, tried to think of other ways we could make it work kind of idea that it wouldn't be so sad. I didn't think I would cry, but I did. We had such a good dog and we had to give him away... sad.

Cooper was the dog I always wanted. He was a great first dog for me. He is exactly what I thought my first dog would be like ever since I read the book "Barney" when I was a kid. He kept me company while Neil traveled a lot for his last job, comforted me through some rough times, and was always happy to see me. He used to cuddle with my belly when I was pregnant with Tristan. It was nice to have someone that was always on your side. I loved the training school, dog parks, hours spent watching him swim, and cuddling up for a good nap. When the kids came along he was always gentle with them. I never have had a moments concern that he would harm them. Tristan really pushed the limit, too. Ears were pulled, food was stolen, tails were straightened, and still Cooper would not nip. Even though he jumped on visitors, ate Tristan's food, left hair on the carpet, and barked at dogs that went past, he was a good dog. He had a sweet disposition and was willing to put in the time to win over even the least dog lover I know... my mom. I NEVER thought I would see my mom cook eggs for a dog just because he likes them, but there she was cooking for Cooper.

Life just threw us too many curve balls these last few years and it became too difficult to keep him. In all honesty, it wasn't fair to keep him any longer. Living in a space where Neil has to sleep on the couch because we have just plum run out of room, does not leave any room for a dog be a dog. There is no time for long walks or trips to the dog park. Cooper's greatest dislike is being alone and I thought of the years ahead where he would be left alone while we were out and about with the kids. Another dog would probably handle it just fine, but not Cooper.

In his new home there is another dog, Neko, who Cooper gets along so well with. There is a little yard to go out and play everyday and a constant companion that we were not prepared to give him. He will go for runs every morning and hikes in the summer. The best part is that we can visit him whenever we want to. In the future when we have a house with a yard that is pet friendly, we have arranged for us to watch Cooper and his new sister when his new family is traveling. It will be nice to have a visit with an old friend. I just hope Tristan will forgive me!

Grandma Jane

It funny how I never called Grandma "Grandma Jane" growing up, but ever since she started writing that in cards to Tristan and the boys that was how she was known in this house.

Tonight I made an apple pie to honor the good memories of Grandma Kurgan who passed away early this morning. I made an apple pie because it was one of the favorite things that everyone loved about my grandma, but I made my mom's recipe because she's my favorite thing my grandma ever made.

In the days before Grandmas were all Mema, Nana, Grammy, and Ya Ya there was Grandma Kurgan. She didn't get down on the floor and play with us or run outside with the hose and jump in the Bush's pool for the biggest cannonball, but there were always treats ready for us when we arrived and a bag of goodies to take home with us when we left. In those days we could afford to eat those snacks because her house was always 1008 degrees and we sweat off any calories we took in. Maybe that's the lesson she was trying to teach me... I better go turn up my heat now while I eat this cookie.

She always made sure we had a new shirt for back to school or the sweater for my Brownies outfit. She would sneak me some cash as a teenager and save her quarters for my laundry in college. I always knew that on Halloween a card would arrive with money for a McDonalds dinner... thought of her when I went to pick up Tristan's this year.

I always thought it was neat to have grandparents that were 100% Polish. I don't know why, I guess it's because now a days I don't really meet anyone who is 100% anything. I admired how hard my grandparents worked for all they had and all they gave to their children.

As a family who celebrates everything with food, I will always remember the galumpkis she made for my birthdays, the perogies, bapka, and strangely her coleslaw. What will endear me to my grandparents though are Apples. No matter where I go, when I see apples, apple pie, apple trees, cider, or anything claiming to be an apple fritter (but never will be) I think of them. I am instantly brought back to that hot little kitchen with the instant coffee and silverware draw in the strangest place. Looking out the big window at Grandpa's flowers, the little bird bath, and the bushes of bleeding hearts that I thought were the most amazing flowers. I remember Uncle Greg falling asleep on the living room floor while Grandpa teased Alex and we all pretended to watch whatever was on the three channels they had on tv. We were all too sleepy from the heat to complain and getting Grandpa a cold beer from the fridge was our only relief from the sauna.

Grandma always had a soft spot for Neil ever since their first meeting. He hung out with Alex and did the dishes and in her book that made for a good man. She was right.

I can't say that I am sad that she is gone, I have not seen her in some time and phone conversations became too difficult a while ago. She was not comfortable and slept most of the time. In the end I believe she is in a better place now, as are all the family members who continued to care for and worry about her. However, it is strange to lose my final grandparent. It's like the end of an era. It's like the world just got a little smaller for me. Strange, I know, because it was just one person, but it's like she was a final placeholder for a whole generation in my eyes. Good-bye Grandma Kurgan, our fond memories of you will be remembered through us, your grandchildren.

Away in a manger, no crib for Ian

Well, cutting the tree and putting it up looked a lot different this year but it was still a lot of fun. If it had been a real tree Tristan would not have been able to help as much. Since our apartment does not feel much bigger than a manger this year, we decided to go with a less traditional tree. It comes with 25 ornaments to hang one each day as an advent calendar. As we were hanging the tree, Tristan noticed the numbers which was not surprising. What was surprising was when he counted to 11! Thank you Sesame Street because I didn't teach him that!

The lady sent me one of the wrong colors and since the right color is coming, I let Tristan hang the orange ornaments anywhere he wanted to in his room. Each wall has a few and he was SO proud of himself. We were thankful to have the tree that dad made as well, so we could put a few of our favorite ornaments up. Our decorating will be more of an "ode to Christmas" than full out decorating this year.

Zoo Lights 2010

We went to zoo lights the other night and had a blast! No, that doesn't even sum it up... it was the perfect night. We stayed a long time, kept the kids up late, and NOBODY cried ONCE!

We bundled the kids up and went to find some animals made of lights. They had a Santa there so we got that over with. I'm not a big Santa person and leave the decision of a "Santa picture" up to the size of the line in front of any Santa we just happen to pass during the Christmas season. Just so happens that this year he was at zoo lights and he was awesome. What a great picture of all the kids with Santa... I didn't even know that was possible. Now every night when it gets dark and Tristan sees ANY Christmas lights he asks to go to zoo lights. If I knew it would be as perfect as that first night, I would be there every night!! We are hoping to go back when Neil's parents come out to visit if it's not too cold.

First Snow 2010

I Can Still Hear the Monkeys

It was one of the last really beautiful fall days while the leaves were still on the trees, so we decided to use our new zoo pass from Neannie. Tristan was so excited he talked about it ALL the way there, and then he talked about it the whole evening even after we discovered the zoo had changed to their winter hours and we could not get in. Oh no, we though, what do we do know?! We stopped at a bakery by the zoo and took some cupcakes to City Park to play on their amazing playground. We spent so much time getting Tristan's mind off of the zoo and almost did a great job at it. However, when we got to the park we realized it was a little closer to the zoo than we thought. You could totally hear the train whistle AND the monkeys!!! Good thing Tristan was pretty impressed with the play ground and we all had a great time in a beautiful park! Just when we thought we were out of the woods, we get in the Jeep to go home and Tristan says, "We go to the zoo now?"

A Rock Creek Halloween

We went took Tristan trick-or-treating for the first time this year in Rock Creek. I never knew if I would do this with my kids or not because I am not a fan of Halloween, mostly because my mom didn't like Halloween and would bribe us not to go out. This year I got Tristan a costume because they were on sale and I knew if nothing else he likes to dress up. Little did I know we would have SO much fun this season. We went trick-or-treating at a local high school, the train museum, and with his good friend Ari around our neighborhood. This was not the neighborhood I grew up in! If they had given out this kind of candy in my neighborhood growing up, my mom would have had a hard time bribing us!! He got loads of candy, but I think he had more fun just meeting all the people along the way.

Pumpkin Carving 2010

I decided to let Tristan make his first movie while we carved our pumpkin and he did a pretty good job! I always laugh when we carve our one pumpkin and it ends up just us watching Neil carve a good pumpkin. What a strange tradition this is!

Tristan and Hannah sitting in a tree...

I'm pretty sure I chaperoned Tristan's first date tonight! It started with an innocent "hi" at the jumping kangaroo lights after Hannah and Tristan laughed at the same part. I have to admit, when the kangaroo made of lights turns to look right at you it is quite funny. They both laughed, turned to look at each other, and were holding hands within seconds. Love at first sight! Hannah being an older girl of about seven, was not ready to move along as quickly as Tristan and so we parted ways and had a good chuckle about it.

We made our way to the Merry-go-round, which is a must for Tristan, and waited patiently in line with our ticket. We were deep in discussion about what animal he wanted to ride and how it MUST go up and down, when we heard, "There is your little friend." Right behind us in line was none other than Hannah! Tristan walked right up to her and held out his hand. The line started to move and hand in hand Tristan lead her to the Peacock bench seat so they could sit together... this was not prompted. I had nowhere else to be, so I sat with them. They made small talk about the ride and held hands along the way on a cool winters night. Perfect. We ran into Hannah a few more times on this zoo trip and all parents involved got a big kick out of it!