How to Groom Your Child to Success

Doesn't that seem like one of the stupid titles you would read on a parenting book? I want to know if any of those authors actually followed just what they wrote about and how many of their kids are currently in counseling? I know I don't have much to offer to the world about parenting except for a handy tip here and there for my girlfriends that may or may not work for their kids. If I had ever thought about writing a book, here are all the reasons I'm not going to start writing my parenting book today.

My toddler went down for his nap about an hour ago and is still not asleep. he could be in there playing and I don't really care because he is still giving me a quiet break.

I don't change my shirt the first time a kid spits up on me because it won't be thirty minutes before another one does the same. The second time... I change.

I bribe my kid with treats so he will finish his food.

I go to my babies when they cry... I just can't imagine not going

I don't bleach their toys and run the stuffed animals through the dryer once a week (or month).

The only meat my toddler will eat is a fast food hamburger, so guess what? He gets that a couple times a week.

I let him "work it out" with his little friends and don't fight his fights for him (not that I let him hit or anything) However, I do arm him with phrases like "No hit me!" when I know there will be a "hitter" at a play date instead of keeping him away from kids that don't always act nice. He better learn how to deal with all kinds of different people

When I go through the drive through at Starbucks I keep a snack in my purse so that when he asks for a treat from "mommy's coffee" I pull it out of my bag as she is handing me my drink. He actually thinks they serve goldfish at Starbucks.

I didn't sugar coat what happened to the mouse in our kitchen. He didn't go to the farm, he got stomped on and thrown away. Tristan loved reenacting this for everyone for about a week.


And somehow after all of this, I have two healthy happy babies and one healthy, happy, polite, friendly, outgoing, confident, and loving toddler. Maybe there is no secret formula or maybe I have already found the right one that fits for just my three little ones.

Are You Kidding Me?

It amazes me how clever Tristan is and how he is always observing situations. Obviously he hears everything I am saying even if he pretends not to be listening. Sometimes it cracks me up when I hear my own words or other people's come out of his mouth. For instance, Elaine has a habit of saying, "Are you kidding me?" Well, Tristan picked this up early on in their trip and I have to say it is one of the cuter sayings he has ever picked up. He knew just how to use it so I was sure that he had observed it a few times before testing it out. I didn't know just how much he understood until tonight at dinner.

I served Tristan some yogurt with granola which he gobbled right up, and then I put a few grapes on his tray. T is not that keen on eating new foods, but I figured he likes raisins so I just told him they were juicy raisins. I told him if he ate all four juicy raisins then he would get some fruit snacks. He calmly slid them back across the tray to me and said, "Mommy, if you eat all of them you get more coffee" as he points to my espresso cup. Well, that sounded like a pretty good deal to me, so I ate the grapes. After they were gone, Tristan got so excited that he cheered for me and encouraged me to go get my coffee... so I did!

Christmas 2010

Well, we pulled off Christmas and it was just as good as we thought it would be. When Neil and I heard Tristan wake up this morning, we ran in, jumped on his bed, and yelled "Merry Christmas!" Tristan just laughed, jumped on my back for a piggy back ride, and yelled, "c'mon mom, let's ride the rails!" What a funny kid!

We let Tristan open his stocking before the Conways got here for breakfast, so he had some things to keep him occupied. Then it was time for presents. We had been working really hard this year to teach Tristan about what this really amazing holiday actually means. This meant that we cut out Santa to lessen the confusion about what we were really celebrating, and sharing with others. In an attempt to teach him to share when you have more of something than you need, we had to take it down to a two-year-old level. We made a ton of Christmas cookies and then talked about how we had so many that we needed to share a lot of them. We packaged them up and drove them around until we found homeless people begging at stop lights. Then we rolled down Tristan's window and let him give out the cookies and say, "Merry Christmas." He loved it, and most the the guys were really excited about homemade Christmas cookies this year.
Well, the other thing we have been talking and reading about is Jesus' birthday. Last night I put his manger scene in the living room but without Jesus in it. He noticed baby Jesus missing and I said maybe he would come tomorrow for his birthday. This morning as we started to open presents, I handed the first one to Tristan. It read:
To: The Conways
Love: God
When Tristan opened it (with his teeth) it was baby Jesus. He got excited and put him in the manger. I thought it was cute, but knew at two there was a fat chance that he got any of it. Later today he talked to Neannie on the phone. (not sure if you even understood him saying this, mom) My mom asked him what presents he got for Christmas and the first thing he said was "baby Jesus"... yeah!
We had a lot of fun opening the rest of our gifts, well Tristan had fun opening everyone's gifts! Nana and Gramps seemed to have a nice morning, but I know it was hard for both of them to be away from home for the first time in their lives for Christmas.

After Tristan's nap, we gave him the train table. We got the perfect gift JUST right! I don't think he believed us that it is now his table and it's not going anywhere. We had to drag him screaming to eat dinner, take a bath, and he was a little nervous to leave it to go to bed. Won't he be surprised when it's still here tomorrow morning!

It was a great day filled with great food, grandparents, a beautiful walk outside (due to no snow), and of course the matching PJs!!!

Santa Train

On Saturday, we went to the Santa Train at the Colorado Railroad museum. I thought Tristan liked trains, but it was nothing compared to Gramps!! He was in heaven. I thought we were going to have to come back to get him when it got dark, but surprisingly he came home with us in time for naps.

We took a fun ride on a beautiful steam engine. Nana, Tristan, and I sat inside a wonderfully restored passenger car while Gramps, Neil, and the babies could not be pulled inside but instead rode on an outside car for the better view. Gramps was able to take us into an old mail car that was just like one that his grandfather used to work on. We got to hear some really neat stories. I am sure this will be a must every time they come to visit and I don't think Tristan will mind.

Nana and Gramps

Nana and Gramps are out here in Colorado for Christmas and getting in some time with the latest arrivals and Tristan of course. Tristan is always excited each morning when they come and sad each day when they leave. They picked a good year to come with the twins being so cute and Tristan being at such a fun age for Christmas.

Miss you!

The other day, Neannie sent her school picture to Tristan. The next morning he got the books out that have her voice recorded on them. He then looked at me and said, "I be right back, Mom" as he ran off. He came back with her picture and set it up so that he could have his little conversation with Neannie. We miss her SO MUCH!!!

Good Dog Cooper

Tonight we dropped Cooper off at his new home. I thought that because it had been such a well planned, talked to death, tried to think of other ways we could make it work kind of idea that it wouldn't be so sad. I didn't think I would cry, but I did. We had such a good dog and we had to give him away... sad.

Cooper was the dog I always wanted. He was a great first dog for me. He is exactly what I thought my first dog would be like ever since I read the book "Barney" when I was a kid. He kept me company while Neil traveled a lot for his last job, comforted me through some rough times, and was always happy to see me. He used to cuddle with my belly when I was pregnant with Tristan. It was nice to have someone that was always on your side. I loved the training school, dog parks, hours spent watching him swim, and cuddling up for a good nap. When the kids came along he was always gentle with them. I never have had a moments concern that he would harm them. Tristan really pushed the limit, too. Ears were pulled, food was stolen, tails were straightened, and still Cooper would not nip. Even though he jumped on visitors, ate Tristan's food, left hair on the carpet, and barked at dogs that went past, he was a good dog. He had a sweet disposition and was willing to put in the time to win over even the least dog lover I know... my mom. I NEVER thought I would see my mom cook eggs for a dog just because he likes them, but there she was cooking for Cooper.

Life just threw us too many curve balls these last few years and it became too difficult to keep him. In all honesty, it wasn't fair to keep him any longer. Living in a space where Neil has to sleep on the couch because we have just plum run out of room, does not leave any room for a dog be a dog. There is no time for long walks or trips to the dog park. Cooper's greatest dislike is being alone and I thought of the years ahead where he would be left alone while we were out and about with the kids. Another dog would probably handle it just fine, but not Cooper.

In his new home there is another dog, Neko, who Cooper gets along so well with. There is a little yard to go out and play everyday and a constant companion that we were not prepared to give him. He will go for runs every morning and hikes in the summer. The best part is that we can visit him whenever we want to. In the future when we have a house with a yard that is pet friendly, we have arranged for us to watch Cooper and his new sister when his new family is traveling. It will be nice to have a visit with an old friend. I just hope Tristan will forgive me!

Grandma Jane

It funny how I never called Grandma "Grandma Jane" growing up, but ever since she started writing that in cards to Tristan and the boys that was how she was known in this house.

Tonight I made an apple pie to honor the good memories of Grandma Kurgan who passed away early this morning. I made an apple pie because it was one of the favorite things that everyone loved about my grandma, but I made my mom's recipe because she's my favorite thing my grandma ever made.

In the days before Grandmas were all Mema, Nana, Grammy, and Ya Ya there was Grandma Kurgan. She didn't get down on the floor and play with us or run outside with the hose and jump in the Bush's pool for the biggest cannonball, but there were always treats ready for us when we arrived and a bag of goodies to take home with us when we left. In those days we could afford to eat those snacks because her house was always 1008 degrees and we sweat off any calories we took in. Maybe that's the lesson she was trying to teach me... I better go turn up my heat now while I eat this cookie.

She always made sure we had a new shirt for back to school or the sweater for my Brownies outfit. She would sneak me some cash as a teenager and save her quarters for my laundry in college. I always knew that on Halloween a card would arrive with money for a McDonalds dinner... thought of her when I went to pick up Tristan's this year.

I always thought it was neat to have grandparents that were 100% Polish. I don't know why, I guess it's because now a days I don't really meet anyone who is 100% anything. I admired how hard my grandparents worked for all they had and all they gave to their children.

As a family who celebrates everything with food, I will always remember the galumpkis she made for my birthdays, the perogies, bapka, and strangely her coleslaw. What will endear me to my grandparents though are Apples. No matter where I go, when I see apples, apple pie, apple trees, cider, or anything claiming to be an apple fritter (but never will be) I think of them. I am instantly brought back to that hot little kitchen with the instant coffee and silverware draw in the strangest place. Looking out the big window at Grandpa's flowers, the little bird bath, and the bushes of bleeding hearts that I thought were the most amazing flowers. I remember Uncle Greg falling asleep on the living room floor while Grandpa teased Alex and we all pretended to watch whatever was on the three channels they had on tv. We were all too sleepy from the heat to complain and getting Grandpa a cold beer from the fridge was our only relief from the sauna.

Grandma always had a soft spot for Neil ever since their first meeting. He hung out with Alex and did the dishes and in her book that made for a good man. She was right.

I can't say that I am sad that she is gone, I have not seen her in some time and phone conversations became too difficult a while ago. She was not comfortable and slept most of the time. In the end I believe she is in a better place now, as are all the family members who continued to care for and worry about her. However, it is strange to lose my final grandparent. It's like the end of an era. It's like the world just got a little smaller for me. Strange, I know, because it was just one person, but it's like she was a final placeholder for a whole generation in my eyes. Good-bye Grandma Kurgan, our fond memories of you will be remembered through us, your grandchildren.

Away in a manger, no crib for Ian

Well, cutting the tree and putting it up looked a lot different this year but it was still a lot of fun. If it had been a real tree Tristan would not have been able to help as much. Since our apartment does not feel much bigger than a manger this year, we decided to go with a less traditional tree. It comes with 25 ornaments to hang one each day as an advent calendar. As we were hanging the tree, Tristan noticed the numbers which was not surprising. What was surprising was when he counted to 11! Thank you Sesame Street because I didn't teach him that!

The lady sent me one of the wrong colors and since the right color is coming, I let Tristan hang the orange ornaments anywhere he wanted to in his room. Each wall has a few and he was SO proud of himself. We were thankful to have the tree that dad made as well, so we could put a few of our favorite ornaments up. Our decorating will be more of an "ode to Christmas" than full out decorating this year.

Zoo Lights 2010

We went to zoo lights the other night and had a blast! No, that doesn't even sum it up... it was the perfect night. We stayed a long time, kept the kids up late, and NOBODY cried ONCE!

We bundled the kids up and went to find some animals made of lights. They had a Santa there so we got that over with. I'm not a big Santa person and leave the decision of a "Santa picture" up to the size of the line in front of any Santa we just happen to pass during the Christmas season. Just so happens that this year he was at zoo lights and he was awesome. What a great picture of all the kids with Santa... I didn't even know that was possible. Now every night when it gets dark and Tristan sees ANY Christmas lights he asks to go to zoo lights. If I knew it would be as perfect as that first night, I would be there every night!! We are hoping to go back when Neil's parents come out to visit if it's not too cold.

First Snow 2010

I Can Still Hear the Monkeys

It was one of the last really beautiful fall days while the leaves were still on the trees, so we decided to use our new zoo pass from Neannie. Tristan was so excited he talked about it ALL the way there, and then he talked about it the whole evening even after we discovered the zoo had changed to their winter hours and we could not get in. Oh no, we though, what do we do know?! We stopped at a bakery by the zoo and took some cupcakes to City Park to play on their amazing playground. We spent so much time getting Tristan's mind off of the zoo and almost did a great job at it. However, when we got to the park we realized it was a little closer to the zoo than we thought. You could totally hear the train whistle AND the monkeys!!! Good thing Tristan was pretty impressed with the play ground and we all had a great time in a beautiful park! Just when we thought we were out of the woods, we get in the Jeep to go home and Tristan says, "We go to the zoo now?"

A Rock Creek Halloween

We went took Tristan trick-or-treating for the first time this year in Rock Creek. I never knew if I would do this with my kids or not because I am not a fan of Halloween, mostly because my mom didn't like Halloween and would bribe us not to go out. This year I got Tristan a costume because they were on sale and I knew if nothing else he likes to dress up. Little did I know we would have SO much fun this season. We went trick-or-treating at a local high school, the train museum, and with his good friend Ari around our neighborhood. This was not the neighborhood I grew up in! If they had given out this kind of candy in my neighborhood growing up, my mom would have had a hard time bribing us!! He got loads of candy, but I think he had more fun just meeting all the people along the way.

Pumpkin Carving 2010

I decided to let Tristan make his first movie while we carved our pumpkin and he did a pretty good job! I always laugh when we carve our one pumpkin and it ends up just us watching Neil carve a good pumpkin. What a strange tradition this is!

Tristan and Hannah sitting in a tree...

I'm pretty sure I chaperoned Tristan's first date tonight! It started with an innocent "hi" at the jumping kangaroo lights after Hannah and Tristan laughed at the same part. I have to admit, when the kangaroo made of lights turns to look right at you it is quite funny. They both laughed, turned to look at each other, and were holding hands within seconds. Love at first sight! Hannah being an older girl of about seven, was not ready to move along as quickly as Tristan and so we parted ways and had a good chuckle about it.

We made our way to the Merry-go-round, which is a must for Tristan, and waited patiently in line with our ticket. We were deep in discussion about what animal he wanted to ride and how it MUST go up and down, when we heard, "There is your little friend." Right behind us in line was none other than Hannah! Tristan walked right up to her and held out his hand. The line started to move and hand in hand Tristan lead her to the Peacock bench seat so they could sit together... this was not prompted. I had nowhere else to be, so I sat with them. They made small talk about the ride and held hands along the way on a cool winters night. Perfect. We ran into Hannah a few more times on this zoo trip and all parents involved got a big kick out of it!

Time to Get Creative

With things being tight this year, I am trying to be creative about Christmas so that it can still be special. There was a big toy consignment sale coming up so I took advantage. I started with the idea that if I had all the money in the world, what would I want to get Tristan for Christmas. Well, I would want to build him a really great train table, so I set out to make that happen anyway. I watched Craigslist for two months looking at the lots of Thomas sets people were selling. A few days before the sale I pulled the trigger and put an offer on an awesome lot and since it had been listed for so long I offered a much lower price than was being asked and I got it!

Neil and I spent the next three days pulling out the pieces we wanted for Tristan's table and together we designed a table perfect for our little boy. I then sold the rest of the lot at the toy sale and made ALL my money back resulting in a FREE Thomas table... unheard of!!

Well, the last part of the deal was that Neil volunteered to work the breakdown of the toy sale in order to get me a higher consignor percentage. He was leaving around 6:30 this evening to head to the sale and Tristan asked me where he was going.

Me: "Daddy is going to do some work to make sure your Christmas is special. Say thank you to Daddy for a great Christmas"

Tristan got so excited and said with the most genuine voice:
"Thank you, Daddy, for the Big Kiss!"

iToddler Strikes Again

Lately Tristan has been watching Youtube videos on my iPhone. Some of the stuff is bizarre but all is harmless. A few days ago he started watching Thomas and Cars videos, but not real ones. They are videos of other kids playing with their cars. They line them up, go through all their names, drive them around and do dramatic play. At any other time in in my life I would have thought it strange that people would make these videos let alone post them on Youtube, but now I think it's brilliant! Tristan takes out the same toys he sees in the video, sets the phone down on the train table, and "plays" with the kid in the video. It's like he is setting up his own virtual play dates. What a kid!

iToddler

It's already hard to leave my boys and head to work, but today it got so much harder. I was working away when the land line at Starbucks began to ring. I saw my coworker pick up the phone, go through the greeting, and then give me a strange look. She put the phone up to my ear while saying, "this is weird."

Me: "Hello?"
Tristan: "MOMMY!"
Me: "Tristan? What are you doing?"
T: "Playing baseball. Miss you... lots"
Me: "I miss you, too. Does daddy know you called me?"
T: "Yeah. Love you, Mommy. Miss you"
(you could literally hear my heart break at this moment!)
Neil in the background: "Tristan, are you really talking to someone? Oh my, you really are. Sorry I didn't know he was calling."
(then you hear screaming as the iphone is taken away from him)
Me: "It's okay I'm just going to quit now."

Okay, so that last line didn't happen, but the working mom's guilt was thick tonight!

"Two, one, you you out" -Tristan

It is very apparent that Neil is enjoying fatherhood this week more than he ever has! After years of diapers, bathing, feeding, and getting puked on, Tristan has discovered Neil's true love. At Gymboree this week the theme was baseball and that's how this all started. Neil took him the other day to a class and Tristan came home talking about nothing but baseball and wanting to sing "Take me out to the ball game." I chuckled this morning when Neil was moving a little quicker than normal all so he could make it to Tristan's class with both of them wearing their Red Sox shirts. I thought it was adorable when he took Tristan to the playground this evening that was right next to the ball fields. Little did I know that they would let Tristan in on the action. While the team took a break from practice, they let Tristan retrieve all the practice balls which was heaven for him. Because he was such a good help "the guy", as Tristan calls him, gave him a real baseball! He would not let that thing out of his sight all night. If he was more than five feet from the ball he would start calling, "MY NEW BASEBALL, MY NEW BASEBALL!" It took some convincing him that putting the ball in the bath was a bad idea, but there was no convincing him that curling up with it in bed was not a good idea. Yes, my son took a dirty baseball to bed... and my husband could not have been more proud.

Coo Coo Cachoo

The boys are three months old and getting to be so much fun! They smile at us and coo all the time. This was the stage I have been waiting for, the stage that makes not getting sleep still worth it. When those babies look at me and smile not only with their lips but also with their eyes, I can't help but fall in love with them all over!

Thank you Firefighters!

This morning we had plans to meet some friends for a tour of one of the Arvada fire houses. Everything seemed to be going wrong while we were getting ready. I could not find what I needed, Tristan kept getting hurt and wanting to be held, and everyone seemed to be crying or on the verge of crying (me). I almost bagged it and went back to bed when both kids in my car were screaming as I pulled out of my parking space. Boy am I glad we didn't bail because Tristan had a GREAT time!

The firemen were so friendly and Tristan took right to them. When the other kids were too shy to get into the fireman's boots, I will give you one guess who was more than happy to jump right in. They let the kids crawl over the big ladder truck and the ambulance. The ladies that drive the ambulance were pleased that Tristan loved their rig, too. They said the kids are usually too interested in the fire truck to pay much attention to the ambulance. He was all over that thing playing with the machines, pretending the iv hook-up was a fishing pole, and even found some money that they had forgotten about in the back, haha.

It's days like today that I'm glad he is a curious little boy asking questions and exploring everything. I think the firefighters that he was dragging around had fun, too. He had hugs and high fives for them all as we left. A big thank you to the Arvada Fire Fighters!!

Day With a Toddler

You watch funny sitcoms or movies about life with a toddler and you think "well, it's not that bad," but sometimes it is and all you can do is laugh. Tristan's day today pretty much started and ended with showers. In the morning he found my pump shampoo and rubbed it all through his hair... shower. He would only eat my breakfast and not his own, stole every paci he could get his hands on, and walk right behind me as I picked up toys and pulled them back out. After a less than stellar nap he made a few calls on my phone, colored on the kitchen floor, and I found him "brushing" his hair with my bic razor. I tried to give him a treat of fruit snacks which are his favorite and I even put the dog on the porch so he would not eat them and send Tristan into a melt down. Well, Tristan decided he would eat the fruit snacks right in front of the window to the porch and taunt the dog. If that was not enough, he then left three lined up on the window and left to go play. I only noticed it when I heard the dog scratching at the window and making a snotty mess for me to wipe up. To round the day out, in the evening he fell into a VERY stinky pond and came home in nothing but his diaper... shower. Before bed, Neil let him run outside to burn off that last energy. A toddler running barefoot up and down the sidewalk in Christmas pjs was quite a sight, but not as big of a sight as the amount of rocks he could carry in and drop on my kitchen floor. After the kiddo was in bed and Neil and I found a wet wipe clogging up the tub drain, cheerios covering many of the bristles of my hair brush, and little plastic Lion King toys in my bed, we could not help but laugh. At different parts of the day we would be laughing so hard with Tristan and in the next breath want to research toddler boarding schools. Yes the "twos" come and go sometimes within the same day, but we find at the end of most days we have laughed more than we have scolded and had more good times than time outs. These days with little ones are sometimes long, sometimes hard, and always very full! I know I am going to look back and miss these times someday, so I try to remind myself of that during these difficult days and try to laugh now about the things I would have only been able to look back and laugh at. Tristan is one funny little kid!!

Day Out With Thomas 2010

Today Grandma and Grandpa Trexler took the boys to see Thomas the tank engine and man was it a hit! The twins were so excited they could not stay awake so Tristan had to do all the exploring. The day was set up with lots of fun things to do at the Colorado Railroad Museum with the highlight of the day taking a ride on a real Thomas train. Well, for most kids the highlight was the train ride, petting zoo, train table tent, fire engine, or even food, but not my kiddo. While he loved most of those things, Tristan could not get enough of the very large fenced in model trains. To be honest, I have never seen so many little boys in one spot just staring and quiet. At one point I noticed the absence of screaming and crying and found it a bit strange. They were all lined around the fence as if it was the most magical thing they had ever witnessed. At one point I tried to take Tristan to see the fire engine and the petting zoo, but as soon as he was more than ten yards from those trains he was animate that we go back. It's cool, I didn't want to pet the sheep anyway.

He was so taken by all the trains there and we all loved the train ride. My favorite part was watching Tristan right in his element. I love that the museum is only 20 minutes away and most everything that Tristan loved is there all the time! What a great place for little boys to play and have picnics. We will be going back there for sure!

If Your Happy and You Know It

I have heard from a lot of people that they see more pictures of Finn than Ian and they were wondering why. Well, under one theory Ian is the third child and as the third child I know there are just less pics of us out there. That's not the real reason though. Whenever the camera comes out, Ian turns into a bit a a party pooper. I thought at first that he was just a little stinker who just wanted to ruin good pictures, but it turns out that when he is laying down he has trouble breathing... my bad. Now a days he has trouble breathing in any position, but he should grow out of that. We let him sit in a steamy bathroom about three times a day and have bottles of saline with in an arms reach from anywhere in the apartment. Keeping him close by so we can hear his breathing at all times is the norm.

Tonight I brought down the bouncer and put Ian in there. We got a smile!!! now he can play AND breath!!!

The only thing missing from an east coast parade

What a perfect day! The weather was cool but sunny and there was a parade on the schedule.. a

real parade! Out here in Colorado a good parade is something that I have not seen too much of. Usually they are kind of odd and really short. Well, this one had it all (except for a fife and drum band). BUT... I had never been to a parade back east with a Mariachi band!!! They were so much fun. The costumes and music were good, but I could not get enough of their dancing horses. They would make their horses dance to the mariachi music!

Tristan had a great time and quickly made friends with the people sitting next to us. He spent the majority of the parade on that guys lap. His wife told us that all their grandkids lived far away, so this was really nice for him. The twins did amazing! They slept most of the time and when they were awake they were as happy as can be. We left the parade a little early and made our way over to the town picnic and had some fun in the bouncy castle before the crowds came. We headed home for lunch and I even got a two and a half hour nap in. Best Labor Day in years!!