Examining The Junk Drawer And Other Messy Corners

Today's packing activity: Examining the junk drawer...and other messy corners.

I came face to face with my junk drawer today.  Now is the time, the time none of us want to face.  I have to ask the questions like "will I ever find the puzzle that this piece goes to? Will I ever really fix this broken thing? Why did I keep this?  What is this?  Should I wait until I figure our what this is to throw it away?"
I really like just closing this "someday I could be MacGyver" drawer and forgetting about it.  I hardly ever go back for this stuff, so why can't I just dump it in the trash?!!! WHY?!!!  The answer is hard to admit.  I value stuff.  I don't want to.  I want to value the time I spent with someone using that stuff, or the people that gave me that stuff, but I don't actually need that stuff to stick around forever to do that.  These are the things you think about when you pack up a home.  What's really important? 

Each day I am trying to pack a few boxes so the process doesn't become overwhelming.  Here's the problem though, it's making everyday emotionally overwhelming.  I'm not stressed about the actual work of moving, but each night I look at my new pile of progress and want to weep.  I'm not being figurative, 
I literally want to weep.  

We live in such a small place, so where did all this crap come from?  Well, the answer is simple, it came mostly from me and was all kept by me.  I look at EACH box that I pack up and know that most of the families in the village I visit in Ethiopia could fit all of their belongings in that ONE box.  

Here's the deal with visiting a third world country, it hits everyone in a different way.  I have friends that come home and freak out on their kids for not finishing their food, or who break down walking into a grocery store and seeing all the options.  That has never been me.  

These boxes staring me in the face are my hurdle.  

I need to deal with them in a few different ways.  

1) I need to remember that I don't live in a third world country and that isn't my reality.
2) I need to be able to let go of stuff and not let it control me.  Recognizing that managing stuff takes time and energy I could use elsewhere.
3) I need to remember what this feels like as I am tempted to start filling closets and drawers again

I read a beautiful blog this morning titled "When You Crave An Uncluttered Heart" and I think a lot of you would like it, too. I'm going to be chewing on these words from that blog for a while:

 "I look at these growing piles and stretched thin plastic bags and the desire for them to be gone is overwhelming. Just hauled out to the curb with no care for where they go but just gone. Gone away where they can no longer remind me that I haven’t always been a good steward of the blessings we’ve been given. Gone so I can start over with empty drawers and maybe this time only fill them half way."

Going through this stuff is hard, and knowing that at the end of this I will STILL have a moving truck full of things, well that's a bit much for me.  It's good to see the reality of our possessions or it would be tempting to let them keep ruling.  Easier to just close the closet, not go to the attic, or avoid the junk drawer than it is to deal with them.  
If I can't do that with my possessions then chances are I'm not willing to do that with my heart either, and that's a reality I won't live with.  

Finn's Foot

It was bound to happen.  I'm surprised it took seven year of motherhood.  I attribute the delay mostly to not having a backyard with trees to climb.  Finn broke his foot.  That's what happens when you don't stick the landing from the top bunk.  It wasn't a terrible break, but enough to take my toughest kid off his foot for a few weeks.  The other two would happily sit on the couch for three weeks with the iPad, but not Finn. He is always on the move and is still trying to help with projects and chores around the house.  He is still playing hard and trying to keep up with his brothers.  He even came in second in bowling.  As soon as he is able, he will start hobbling around on that cast and that will make things a lot easier for him.  We carry and help him as much as we can, but he doesn't want much help.  This one was born strong and independent :)
No surprise that he chose green...it's green EVERYTHING for him!

Elf Hunting at the Museum of N & S

It's tough to find activities to do with Finn in a foot cast, so we had to think outside the box today.  We headed to the Museum of Nature and Science to do something we have never done there.  That's a pretty bold statement considering we have been there about 282 times.  Today we went gnome hunting...but the museum is crazy and calls them "elves" on the internet if you search for them.  We found all 9 gnomes and 1 Yoda.  On the museum website, there is a helpful pdf that gives hints...and you will need them. They won't tell you about the yoda though...that you will have to find for yourself in the IMAX lobby :)

Have you ever been hunting for them at the museum?  Here's a picture of each gnome and yoda...you won't be able to see many of them because most of them are SMALL, but each one gives you a hit if you head out hunting.  There IS a gnome (elf) or a yoga in each one.  Most were painted in, two were ceramic, and one was even in an electronic moving picture that I KNOW you have stared at before and never saw.

Plan your next trip and go searching, it was REALLY fun and sometimes kind of hard.  Do not judge the amount of fun had by the smiles in these pictures.  My kiddo is a little self conscious about smiling for pictures these days...think Chandler in the engagement photos episode of Friends.

New Year, New Word, New Town

The new year is here.  2015.  Last year we spent a lot of time looking at our life, praying about where we were headed as a family, and making the big decision to move back to central NY.  Now it's 2015 and it feels like GO TIME.  The count down is on, the checklists are being made and the children are daily asking questions about what will come with us.  Toys, yes; toilet, no.

I know that packing up and driving across country will be a lot of work, but the actual decision to go was harder. We love Colorado and the friends we have made here.  When we looked at our life here, we could totally see ourselves being very happy for a long time in Colorado.  However, when we looked at some long standing essentials we wanted for our kids and for our marriage, we knew we had to at least go back home and give small town living a try again.

I feel SO incredibly blessed to have lived in two places that I love so much.  This is very much a decision between my favorite cake and a second helping of my favorite cake!  One place isn't better, the people aren't better in one town over the other, opportunities aren't superior here or there.
This is a decision made with the hopes that some things we have talked about for years can come to fruition in our new surroundings.  Yes, we are moving to my home town, but the town has changed since I have lived there.  Many people I knew have moved away...including my family.  The stores have changed, some of the people have changed, and I'm positive I can't even imagine the amount of change I will encounter.  In my heart I know that the general feel of the town won't have changed.

I'm sure I will blog a lot this year.  It's mostly going to be a jumble of emotions as I make my way through this journey.  Honestly, I am split right in half of wanting to be in NY today and also never wanting to leave Colorado.

Some people choose a word for the year.  My word this year is Breathe.  During the hard parts of packing, I need to just keep breathing.  Each time I enter my kid's school and fall more in love, I need to remember that their new school might be great...breathe.  When I have a great time with my friends out here and fear loneliness in the year to come; I need to breathe.  After we make our move and I'm standing in my home town once more;  I will need the strength to breathe and remember this was my choice and I'm excited about it.  Once I get settled into our new home...I hope to be able to breathe more easily on a regular basis.

Growing Up is Hard

Back-to-school happened again.  New clothes and shoes, lunches are being packed, and the alarm is set too early in the morning.  First grade is here and Tristan could not have been more socially or academically prepared for it.  However, he is still finding it tough.  What a hard transition from kindergarten.  They are no longer the babies of the school and lots is expected of them.  They play less and work more.  He comes home ready to play until bedtime...homework hasn't started yet. 

We are only four days in, so I know the adjustment will get easier.  On this his fourth day he also had to deal with a situation on the bus.  The situation isn't really important here, but his response to it is one I will want to remember forever...hence the blog.

Another boy did something on the bus yesterday and told Tristan and another kid that it was a secret and they should not tell anyone.  We read, we prepare, we talk to our kids, but until our kid is in that situation you never know what they are going to really do.  Well, he told me everything.  When I told him that I would talk to his bus driver/principal the next day, he said, "No, Mom.  I think this is something I have to handle myself."

My big brave first grader boarded that bus this morning, waited discreetly until everyone got off the bus at school, and told his bus driver the whole story.  When he and another boy were called in to have lunch with the principal to discuss it, I am told he did it in a very mature way.  

As a mom, I wanted to drive to the school the next morning and discuss this with adults, but I'm glad my first grader stopped me because he learned a boat load of lessons doing this himself.  He learned how good it feels to be brave and do what's right and he learned that his voice will be heard when he speaks up.

When the principal called me, I got more choked up than I thought I would.  I wasn't choked up about the situation, Tristan is just fine.  I got choked up praising her for the school environment she is fostering.  It is obvious that Tristan knew he didn't need me to talk for him.  He knew if he talked people would listen.  He knows what he has to say is important and will be taken seriously.  As parents we can teach our children how to speak up, but we can't control every environment they will be in.  I am SO thankful for the people who make my kid comfortable to grow not just as a student but as a young boy.  These are lessons you can't plan for, you can't create, but you can be SO thankful when they are over and everyone has grown a little more.  

On top of this situation today, Tristan also got his first ever bee sting at school!!  I told you...1st grade is HARD.  I'm pretty sure the bus ride home will be uncomfortable for him, but today's after school snack will be ice cream.  Oh, and I think our fish is on his last few days.  If this fish dies before the end of the day I might just do something crazy and buy him a puppy (kidding).  Hoping we can slow down on these growing pains for a few weeks at least.  

One proud mom!!

First day of school!

Last night as I was tucking Tristan into bed, I read him a book about a little mouse going to his first day of school.  I left the book by his bed and because we moved to a new bedtime, it was still a bit light in his room.
The moment the clock turned to 6:00am, T woke me up very excited for his first day.  I told him to make his bed and get dressed while I made his breakfast.  He holds up his book and says, "I know mom, I read this whole book again after you left the room last night, so I know just what to do today."  I LOVE the confidence of this little guy.

When T arrived at the table he was greeted by a note from Neil.  Neil left for a business trip this morning at 4:30 this morning but not before he left a some



encouragement for his little man.  After breakfast and getting the twins dressed REALLY fast, we ran out to catch the bus.  At the very end we really did have to run, but he climbed right on and greeted his bus driver.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I met the driver and saw that she was very nice.  It all happened so fast and it was over in less than two minutes.  Some of that was good...like ripping off a band-aid.  I didn't cry, I was fine, and I turned to take a nice walk with the twins back home.  Almost immediately after Tristan's bus was out of sight, Ian ran up and threw his arms around my leg saying, "I miss Tristan!" Really?

The few hours of T's half day today went fast and soon it was time to go pick him up.  The boys and I waited patiently outside his room until the teacher opened the door and the kids came pouring out.  Tristan was one of the last ones out and in no hurry.  The twins just about ran him over and attacked him with hugs.  I thought Ian would never let go.  To my surprise, Tristan didn't mind and he even smiled and hugged them right back.  Maybe this time away from each other is going to be great for them!!

When I asked him what his favorite part of the day was, he said the gears toy. When I asked him one thing he didn't like about school he said, "Nothing!  Everything was AWESOME!!"  I am so excited for him and the school year.  I'm glad he is in a full day program and will learn so much.  He didn't love coming home before lunch and recess.  I'm glad he will have so much time with his friends and to settle into learning with plenty of time for fun.  The twins are now beyond excited to start school and I have no idea how I am going to hold them off until next week.

Tristan Graduates

Another milestone down...Tristan graduated from preschool.  We weren't sure he would make it to the ceremony because he had been sick that whole week before.  He made it and stayed up on the stage the whole time, but you could tell the pep was gone from his little body.

The program was really adorable and I was proud of him for remembering all of it.  Neil had to fly out early that morning, so he missed the ceremony but I sent him lots of pictures and there was a fun present he left for Tristan when we got home.

Tristan had a great year at Happy Valley and I'm so glad he had a chance to go there.  He will miss his teachers and his friends that have helped make this such a special experience.

Mother's Day

I love Mother's Day.  What's not to love?  The kids tell you they love you a thousand times and you get to do what you want that day.  Usually we start with church, spend a little family time, and then I go get some much needed alone time.

This year Ian was sick, so I stayed home from church with the twins.  Neil's brother and his wife were in town visiting with their baby Andrew so they went to church with Neil and Tristan.  It was just the nice quiet, cuddly morning with my little ones that I wanted.  Tristan and the boys worked with Neil the night before to make me a wonderful card.  I love it when Neil totally gets what I love about presents.

I was happily surprised that my best friend, Erin, arranged her travels to fly through Denver and be able to spend a few hours with me.  I love when she comes to town because we go to the yummiest places to eat and I don't ever hear one word about how many calories are in the food or how long we will have to be at the gym if we eat it all.  SO REFRESHING these days when everyone seems to be obsessed with talking about food...and not the good kind of food talk.  Erin likes to visit local places, so the two of us went to Chataqua Dinning Hall for brunch.  I have wanted to go to that brunch for twelve years, but Neil doesn't like brunch so we have never gone.  It was perfect.  We got a table out on the porch overlooking the flatirons and the weather was perfect!  We sat and talked about Africa, her adoption, my upcoming trip, and our current lives.  SO good for the soul.

After brunch, I came home to a house filled with family and got to celebrate with all of them.  There is something really nice about a full house on a holiday.  Neil then told me that he had arranged for my Mother's Day present that I requested.  One night at a local really nice hotel all by myself...awwww.  It would not be until the next weekend, but I could breath a little better knowing that break was coming.   Well, that day has come and gone and the kids were too sick for me to get away.  I think it will still happen, I just have no idea when.  That's the life of a mother though, those little kids come first :)

12 Years

Another year of marriage and another anniversary to celebrate.  We were really looking forward to this year, nothing big just a date night out.  Since May 1st, it seems like our lives have been non-stop busy and Neil and I just don't really live at that pace because we don't really like that pace.  It started with Tristan's birthday on the 1st where Neil left from the party to go on a business trip, home for the weekend, then off to another week long business trip where he picked his brother and his family up on the way home and we had a nice visit for a week with them.  The day after our guest left, Tristan got really sick and then Neil left for another business trip.  Since then, the kids have been passing the nastiest of viruses around with each other (and with Neil and I).

Now the big day comes and we have a sitter all lines up for an anniversary dinner and movie.  We had the kids just well enough to be able to have a sitter and BAM Finn comes down with pink eye last night.  Yuck!  No date for us, but both of us REALLY did need a break from the house where we had been stuck for the last week and a half.

We moved to Plan B.  We still had dinner and a movie, but we had to be really flexible. Actually it's fitting this falls on this twelve year anniversary because these last twelve years have given us lots of chances to perfect being flexible.  Neil went to the movies in the morning, I went in the afternoon, and then I brought home PF Changs for dinner.
The only difference between the quiet romantic dinner out with a movie we could discuss after and the day we had was that we saw different movies, has someone yell "I pooped" as we sat down to eat, and by the end of the dinner all the kids were over eating off our plates and playing action figures around the table.  We looked at each other, smiled, and couldn't be happier with the twelve years we have had so far together.

I can't believe we have a kid old enough to take our picture... before he figured out how to reverse the camera and take twenty pictures of himself.

Here's to an actual date night next year!!

Tristan turns 5

Today Tristan turned five. He woke up so excited for his day.  Neil took the morning off from work to take Tristan out for a pancake breakfast and then to play a round of golf...well, glow in the dark mini golf.  They had so much fun that T, who hasn't taken a nap in months, fell asleep for an hour in the car on the way home.  He came home long enough to play with his new toys for a bit and then it was off to his party.

Tristan wanted to invite a lot of kids from school to his party and since I planned it for a Wednesday afternoon, I didn't think many people would be able to make it.  Turns out Wednesday afternoons are open for just about everyone because everyone came (except for his best buddy that got sick today).  I never expected to have 15 kids, but they were the best 15 kids and Tristan loved having every one of them there.

Best idea ever: Babysitters for Finn and Ian.  We ALL had more fun because of it :)

I was so excited for this birthday!  Before now, the birthday parties seemed more about pictures for years down the road and maybe a way for us parents to celebrate the survival of another year of parenting.  My fifth birthday party is the first one I remember.  I remember it as one of the most fun birthdays and as the story goes, my mom says it goes down as the craziest party and she swore off Chucky Cheese until she had grandchildren.  Tristan's party was pretty much as crazy but totally fun!!

He looked just like a dude hanging out with his friends

The only hiccup happened two hours before the party.  After a few more kids sent RSVPs than I had originally told McDonalds there would be, I decided to call and let them know.  Apparently, they had no record of a party today.  No problem though, they pulled in a great employee to host the party and she did a great job.  She took care of everything and even did face painting for the kids.  Okay, the Angry Birds all my kids wanted looked a little funny, but they were so thrilled with it.

 I looked around and saw exactly what I had wanted for Tristan.  I saw kids running, climbing, playing together, eating happy meals and ice cream, and just enjoying being together...they were really being kids like I remember being a kid.  Nothing too scheduled or planed.  No games set up for them.  They came up with their own games, made their own adventures, and laughed a lot.  The smiles I saw on Tristan's face were enough to almost make me cry.  I think he will remember this birthday, too.

I was so happy that Neil made Tristan's birthday such a big deal.  Spending most of the day just the two of them and then taking the last flight out tonight for his business trip so he didn't miss a minute of T's party.  The kids and I got home and TRIED to get the face paint off but not with much luck.  The twins should look cute tomorrow.  I put the twins to bed and then Tristan and I sat quietly in his room building a Lego toy one of his friends got for him.  It was a really sweet time to spend together and he snuggled right into bed after with his new Yoda doll. 

I never would have dared to dream I would have a kid like Tristan.  His big heart and huge personality are unbelievable.  After today, I think I can add being a good friend to his list of great qualities.  He was really nice to all his little party guests.  I love every day that I get to hang out with him.  Happy year number five with the coolest little kid :)